


The Marvellous Misadventures of Daniel and Avery

by octobersmog



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gore, Smut, depressing sometimes, messy and unedited, the boss needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 01:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octobersmog/pseuds/octobersmog
Summary: Snippets from the life of my SR Bosses. Either stupid as fuck or depressing. Apologies for anything out of character.





	1. Never

**Author's Note:**

> The Boss takes a look in the mirror and she doesn't like what she sees.

The bathroom mirror was foggy with steam.

Raising a hand, the boss rubbed a small circle in the centre, just big enough to encompass her face. 

She hated it. 

The chubby cheeks, the incessant little zits that never seemed to leave, the small mole above her left eye, all of it.

It made her sick. 

Everyday she walked past the girls in Saints HQ, plastering a fake smile across her face so they couldn't see how desperately and savagely she wanted their angular faces, clear skin and slender bodies. 

Again, another circle was rubbed out on the mirror, revealing her body. 

It was always there. Under her clothes, laughing at her as she plastered on that fake smile. 

_Look at the body you don't have._

_Look at it, you fat, useless bitch._

_Then look in the mirror._

She looked.

And she fucking hated it.

It felt like all she did was work and spend the rest of the day and night in the gym, trying to get away from a body that felt like a prison. 

But it never worked.

And it never would.

_Why the fuck do you bother?_

_It doesn't make any difference._

_You'll never be like them._

_Never._

The glass shattered around the boss's fist.

It showered down onto the counter top, the floor. 

A small tear slipped down her cheek.

_Never._


	2. God Fucking Bless Matt Miller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Boss has no fucking idea how Matt talked her into this.

"What the fuck is this, Matt?"

The boss sat in front of the computer moniter, staring at who the fuck knew what. A certain raven-haired hacker to her right snickered. "It's a video game. World of Warcraft to be exact."

"Am I supposed to know what the hell that is?"

"Nope."

He started to launch into what most probably would have been an hours long explanation of whatever this 'World of Warcraft' was when she cut him off.

"I don't need to know the colour of the developer's fuckin' underwear, Miller. Just tell me how to play."

Thankfully, the hacker seemed to give up on educating the boss further and started to walk her through creating a character. Fifteen minutes later, the boss had chosen a Blood Elf Warlock, complete with bouncing purple hair.

"Where the fuck am I?"

"Eversong woods."

"Who's that long haired prick standing in front of me?"

"That's me."

"Thought so."

Several hours later, and it was safe to say that the boss was addicted. She had to hand it to him; the game was pretty damn fun. 

"God fucking bless you, Matt," she muttered as their characters ran through a dungeon. She was so focused on the game she didn't see him smirk beside her. 

*

"What. The. Fuck."

Shaundi burst into the room, Pierce hot on her heels. They were met with the sight of the Boss and Matt sitting peacefully at their computer monitors, hands typing away at the keyboard. Neither of them ever thought they'd live to see the day the Boss sat down at a computer playing a video game, with Matt fucking Miller, no less.

"Oh, hey guys," the Boss said, glancing at them and then back to the screen. "I miss anything?"

To tell you the truth, the Boss had missed several meetings, five interviews and a driveby, but Shaundi didn't have the heart to tell her. It was so rarely that they saw the Boss so chilled, let alone using a computer, that it would have been criminal to ruin the moment. 

"No," she said eventually. "You're right where you're meant to be."

As she backed up out into the hall, pushing Pierce with her, Matt caught her eye, seeming to catch on to her thoughts.

_I could fucking kiss you, Miller._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay ew the writing is shit and only slightly edited but I hope yall enjoy.


	3. Pickup Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery hates pickup lines, so its only typical that Daniel persistently uses them.

If there was one thing Avery hated more than anything, it was cheesy pickup lines. 

Unfortunately, they were what her infuriatingly persistent partner Daniel loved to torment her with. She could have been on the floor dying and he would say, with all the confidence in the world: 

"Do you have a map?" 

"Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."

That was why she wasn't fazed in the slightest when she walked into the kitchen and saw him draped over the counter in a robe with a shit eating grin on his face. 

"Did you sit in a pile of sugar? 'Cause you got a pretty sweet ass."

"Shut the fuck up and get the bacon."

Most people who knew Avery would have stopped there for fear of getting shot in the head, but Daniel, the fucker, just sat on the counter, waiting for an opportune moment.

"Stop staring," she said over her shoulder.

"Oh, sorry, your ass just looks so lonely without my hands on it," he snickered. 

It was relatively quiet after that; too quiet in fact. There was just the sizzling of the bacon in the pan and the buzz of traffic drifting in through the open window. 

"Fucking come on," she muttered, struggling to manoeuvre the bacon out of the pan.

"Want me to do it?"

"No, I can- MOTHERFUCKER!"

Avery slammed the pan down on the counter, cradling her now burnt hand and cursing under her breath. Slipping off the counter, Daniel pulled her hand into his.

"Go put that on ice. I'll finish up," he said, gently pushing her in the direction of the freezer. 

With her hand situated under a bag of ice, Avery watched as he threw more bacon into the pan.

"Did it hurt?"

Avery rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, when I burnt my fuckin' hand?"

"No," he grinned. "When you fell for me."

"You're sleeping on the fucking couch."

 

BONUS TEXTS: 

Daniel: Do you like to draw?

Daniel: Cause im gonna put the d in raw ;)

Avery: youre still sleeping on the couch 

Avery: ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY WOAH HELLO MY TWO BOSSES ARE NOW MY OTP SO HAVE THIS SLOPPY MESS :)
> 
> and it took me fucking milennia but i finally named her Avery.


	4. Driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief fic that outlines just how fucking awful Daniel is at driving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALso I had no idea what to call this mess akdndb

It's no secret that Daniel Walker is a fucking terrible driver. 

Every car that came into his possession, however briefly, was almost instantly smashed into oblivion or in flames. It got to the point where Avery would rather swallow a bullet than be in a car with Daniel driving. But the little bastard still managed to get her into the car with fucking puppy eyes every damn time.

Heavily armoured car? 

Pfft, no prob, have that shit in flames within 30 seconds. 

Completely empty bridge?

Whoops, look who managed to flip themselves over the edge and is now using a car door as a swimming noodle.

 

"Jesus fucking Christ, Daniel!" Avery screeched, clinging onto the seat for dear life as he haphazardly reversed out of the now mangled store he'd just crashed into.

"Oops."

"Oops? Oops? Saints HQ is a fifteen minute drive and we've been here for a fucking hour."

"Quality driving takes time."

She snorted, leaning back into the seat before being promptly thrown forward again as Daniel slammed on the breaks. Ten agonising minutes later, the battered, smoking car pulled up at Saints HQ. Avery nearly got down and kissed the damn pavement. Daniel leaned over as she got out, grinning.

"Pick you up after?"


	5. A While Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat on the roof. I really don't even know.

"Smoking is bad for you." 

"So is excessive amounts of chocolate cake."

"Touche."

Avery looked down at where Daniel sat against the wall, the wind tossing her hair around her shoulders. She slid down the wall next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Let me ask you one thing," he said, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "Do you have a notebook full of snarky comebacks or do you just make them up on the spot?"

She snorted. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Was that a compliment?" She could practically feel him grinning.

"Maybe."

"You don't want to tell them yet?" he asked.

She looked down at their entwined hands. To be completely honest, she didn't want tell anyone; ever. The last time she'd openly flaunted a relationship, it had ended barely a month later, with an explosion that had left her in a coma, and even now she didn't know where they stood. It had taken years to piece herself back together and now here she was, doing exactly what she vowed she wouldn't do again.

"No," she replied. "A little longer. With you."

"You know they'll find out eventually," he said. Another puff of smoke. 

"I know."

Fuck, did she know. It was going to be chaos. 

"Admit it," he smirked. "You're enjoying it."

The constant cat and mouse game? Sniping back and forth? Stressing each other out? Sneaking into his apartment and working it off? 

"Fuckin' loving it."


	6. Halloween Headcanons!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes i know this is early let me live

\- the literal fucking second it turns october, Daniel commences what he calls “spoopy month”

\- like Avery just comes home and the whole fuckin place is decorated within an inch of its life   
and Daniel is just sitting in the middle of it all like the smug lil shit he is

\- no where is safe

\- not even the bathroom

\- as it gets closer to October 31st, Daniel gets fuckin jazzed

\- cOUPLE COSTUMES

\- HES BEEN PLANNING THEM SINCE JANUARY

\- INCREDIBLY FUCKING ELABORATE

\- totally goes trick or treating with the kids down the street

\- Daniel running down the street with the kids dragging Avery along behind him

\- Daniel throws the most kick ass all night halloween parties every year

\- literally turns saints hq into a haunted mansion

\- every single saint is in costume

\- Avery is finally at peace due to the fact that theres no kids and finally being allowed to sit on the couch and stuff herself with candy

\- everyone wakes up very hungover and very confused the next morning

\- johnny is spooning a skeleton

\- shaundi and pierce are hanging upside down in a spider web

\- matt and kinzie are already gone

\- Avery and Daniel are passed out in a pile of candy wrappers

\- hes already planning for next year


End file.
